I just learned what's scarier than cancer.

(The scene: a quiet bedroom somewhere in the middle of Texas on a cool fall day. A gentle breeze moves the curtains at the windows as Our Heroine naps peacefully under the covers...)

Our Heroine: Mmmmmmmzzzzzzzwarmfuzzykittybellies.

(rolls over, wakes up slightly)

Our Heroine: Mmmmmkitties. Warm. Kitties. Wait.


(Our Heroine realizes that there is indeed one Warm Fuzzy Kitty atop the bed. The other is under the covers. With her. With claws.)

(cue Oboes of Doom)

Our Heroine: (absolute frozen silence and stillness. No blinking.)

Cat #1, under covers: (moves slightly)

Cat #2, atop covers: (looks interested)

Our Heroine: (absolute frozen silence and stillness)

(Oboes of Doom swell, to be joined by Strings Of Misery and Disaster)

Our Heroine: (watches as life flashes before eyes)

Cat #2, atop covers: (looks very interested indeed)

Cat #1, under covers: (sticks head out, looks innocent)

Our Heroine: *sigh of relief*

...and cut.