2. It is never to be given any seriously frightened mindspace after the first week (unless circumstances warrant seriously frightened mindspace).
3. InkGrrrl's description of "steel-toothed brain ferrets" will be the baseline for all descriptions of CANCER/CAAAAANSUH-related anxiety.
4. "I have cancer" is only an excuse if you use it tongue-in-cheek. Or maybe to get more chocolate. I have plenty of chocolate; want some?
5. If you have to fuck with it, it's cancer.