You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think.

Dear Birthday Frog:

(What? You've never heard of the Birthday Frog? The Birthday Frog is like the Easter Bunny or Santa Claus, but he brings birthday presents. Get with it.)

I would like, please, for my birthday this year... ... ...

Twenty-five strawberry plants, variety Eversweet Everbearing (heat- and drought-tolerant!)

Two fifty-foot rolls of 48" chicken wire and five-foot fenceposts to keep Max out of the garden

Wire ties for the above

Gift cards to Gurney's and Burpee

A broadfork (Gempler's has a good one)

Three four-cubic foot bags of vermiculite

The use of a cruddy pickup truck so I can haul some compost from the dump

A twenty-five-foot roll of two-foot-wide professional grade weedblocking cloth

A gift certificate to Home Despot so I can build some trellises (trelli? Trellae?) for cucumbers and beans and squashes and so on

A new set of biceps.

Thank you very kindly,

Jo, who has been drinking the Gardening Kool-Aid