The cats' thought processes, two a.m. edition:

"It's a mouse."

"Dude. You sure that's a mouse?"

"Yep. It's a mouse. Look at the way it's moving."

"What's a mouse doing in the bed?"

"I don't know, but that, right there? Is definitely a mouse. Watch. (swipes at lump under the sheets with one paw) See? It moved. Mouse."

"Hm. (swipes at other side of lump-under-sheets with paw) You may be right."

(Both cats sit for a moment and meditate)

"So what do we do about it?"

"Well, we're supposed to be killing those things. You know. Grabbing them with teeth and paws and biting their little heads and killing them."

"Oh. Okay. How do we do that?"

"You hit it from that side with your teeth, and I'll grab it from this side with my claws and kick it really hard with my back legs. It's a big mouse."

"Yeah. It is a big mouse. We'd better get it right the first time."

(Lump under sheets moves slightly)

"You ready?"

"I'm ready."

"Okay... ... ... ... ...GO!!"

(Both cats attack Nuclear Mutant Bed-Mouse simultaneously)

"Holy SHIT! Who knew that mouse was attached to the Human?!"

"Who knew humans could levitate?"

"Why is she making those noises? She's awfully loud."

"Dude. We'd better get out of here. She's got the squirt bottle."

(Both cats beat it for the door)